Holiday Letters

Some of you probably send Christmas cards and those cards sometimes come with lengthy letters which are a year in review. They are attempts to say, "hey, we're better than you and here's why." I always wanted to write a letter for my card that would horrify my friends and family. Here goes.

Dear Family and Friends (because I am too damn cheap to write to you individually),
This year has been one for the history books. My fucking bitch of a wife pushed me one time too many, so gave her five across the eyes. The doctors say she will heal up nicely, but probably won't see so good out of the left eye. Thinking she had learned a lesson, I went to pick her up but the nurses said there was some kind of restraining order against me. Fucking whore and her lawyer brother. Then to top all that off, she filed for divorce. I will kill her before she gets Jackie and Sean Jr.

Speaking of the boys, Jackie is tearing it up in pee wee football. The other coaches complain that he is too rough, but he's just doing what his daddy taught him. He's the star of that team and the referees know it too. That's why they slap all those penalties on him. Sean Jr. started high school this year. We all know he is a quiet boy, which I can't figure out because I encourage him to talk. Oh well, he has a new friend named Pete and they study all the time in Sean Jr.'s room. I got a rocket scientist growing up in the house for sure.

I am hoping that in 2006, I will find a new job. My boss and I didn't see things the same way at the mill and well, long story short, the insurance will cover his prosthetic hand. Worker's comp says the day. And the other job I got in February dried up because of housing market changes. Anyways, I hope you all are doing well. Not that any of you bastards ever pick up a god damn phone to call us.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
Sean, Karen, Sean Jr. & Jackie