Oprah for President

Oprah did her big speech endorsing Barrack Obama. Much like a Jonathan Franzen novel, Oprah has said that Obama is her President of the month. Oprah's a powerful voice. Why I will never actually know (much like why we will never know how twinkies stay fresh forever), but she can convince the unconvinceable that something is good.

It got the little cogs of my brain working overtime. Could we actually ever elect the uber-minority President? Black, female, lesbian? Are we ready for it? And then it hit me. Why waste the time being the voice behind the curtain - Oprah, throw your beautiful nubiosity into the POTUS ring. She needs a spouse though, because Americans are not ready for a bachelor(ette) President. Could we handle Stedman, the First Lady? I dunno, but I wanted to take the time to imagine the world with Oprah as POTUS.

First and foremost, Oprah is totally qualified. I mean, she has obviously shaped public policy with her wisdom and leadership. And big business better watch out, look what she did to the Texas Beef Group. Lest we not forget her welfare program ideas - what homeless person wouldn't want a brand new Pontiac G-6. It's also great for single parents who need to run to the store to get milk in style. And economic policy, one only need look at her generosity with the cars - talk about fiscal responsiblity, this woman knows how to stretch a dollar.

Second, she already has a great cabinet in mind. Oprah & Friends would be fantastic. White House Press Secretary Gayle King. Secretary of State (and foreign affairs genius) Dr. Phil. Federal Reserve Chairwoman Jean Chatzky would put this country on a wonderful debt diet - we'll be whipped into shape in no time. Presidential Physical Fitness guy Bob Greene - ooh, gorgeous, physical - women would run laps for him. Dr. Maya Angelou (sorry, not even I can poke fun at her) as Secretary of Defense. Dr. Oz as Surgeon General (no "friends of dorothy" jokes, please - this is serious journalism).

Third, people love her. Much like the student union elections of our youth, the US Presidency is really just a popularity contest. OMG, everyone knows Oprah. Do you think Puty-Put Putin would dare do anything that might piss O off? No way, he'd be in the studio audience in no time with a lot of 'splainin to do. Coalition forces would bring peace everywhere because Oprah says so.

And here are some other minor reasons. She already has her own show. No more interrupting Heroes or Deal or No Deal or America's Got Talent. Oprah's already on 5 days a week. Talk about a President who would really reach us. And hey, with her readership of O and O at Home, nationwide referenda could be held to repeal that silly "no white after Labor Day" rule. Did I mention the lesbian thing? Shh, I think we can all wink to that! She covers the hard-hitting issues that I care about: "Is peace for real?," "Bobbi Brown's make-up tips," and "cooking on a budget." This is presidential material.

So, keep your Obamas and Clintons and Romneys (oh my!). In 2008, I'm voting for the big O.