they write the sad songs

So, I am jamming to my iPod and the shuffle brings up a rarity: three songs in a row by three of the saddest artists/groups I know. By sad, I mean melancholy, not lame, although one of the three certainly could fall in the lame category too. What were the songs? I know you are dying to know. "Hold Me" by Weezer; "I'm Just A Kid" by Simple Plan; and "One Foot In Front of the Other" by Bright Eyes. Talk about sadness - it was a festival of depression.

So here we have Rivers Cuomo from Weezer, Pierre Bouvier from Simple Plan, and the ever-morose Conor Oberst. This made me think about something off-the-wall (like I need very much to cause this to happen). I saw Weezer and Bright Eyes at Coachella Music and Arts Festival last month with my two buddies, Ricker and Finnerty. Finnerty was very right in pointing out that Rivers and Conor must be the saddest guys in the world. The songs are an obvious commentary on things that affect our lives, and theirs. Why a Simple Plan? I was watching "Cheaper by the Dozen" (no comment on my movie choice unless you wanna pay my cable bill); the film company chose "I'm Just A Kid" to accentuate some sad moment in one of the kid character's lives. What is wrong with that choice? The song is about a guy looking life and just being so sad that it sucks so bad. The film company saw the title and heard the upbeat tune and said "get this song in the movie."

Why are these guys so sad? Well, Rivers is getting older. He is the lovable geek who writes and sings songs about looking at the world through those geek glasses. Pierre is probably sad because his songs have been co-opted into movie soundtracks and cable television series. That, and he is French Canadian. Conor is just plain sad. I don't know if it is because he is from Omaha, or what. But this guy is just damn sad.

Anyways, on to the point of this post. Finnerty, Ricker, and I joked about what would happen if Conor and Rivers got together, maybe even to write a song. Then I thought, what if Pierre showed up. Now we are talking about the creation of a black hole of misery that quite possibly could rip the fabric of existence itself. Would Pierre try to add some catchy punk-pop beat? If you believe that, I would suggest you listen to "Welcome to My Life" - wait, that might confirm your thought. Listen to "Untitled (How Could This Happen to Me)." If you really want to be depressed, watch the video. Sad songs are big business. Sure, upbeat songs make people dance and sing and all that shit. But, we all have gotten mix tapes (or mix CDs for you young'ns out there). Every one of those tapes has some fucking sad song that everyone knows. Who doesn't know the lyrics to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn."

My master plan should go into effect immediately. Rivers, Conor, and Pierre - please get to work on the ultimate sad song. One that is just sad enough to make it onto a great mix CD, but not so sad that we all go into a coma of depression.